It's That Time of Year

It will be two years ago this week that my father died. The first year was just figuring out how to go on without that anchor in your life, the second year is somehow a bit sadder because reality has set in like concrete. I miss him as much as ever.

The night my brother called to tell me they had found Dad in the 'old garage' unconscious and that the ambulance was there and "it didn't look good", I hung up the phone and was in a time warp. I couldn't get to Festus in less than two and half hours, I couldn't be there...so I waited. In the midst of waiting I took a time check...what day is this, what week is this....and then I knew Dad was gone. You see in my family death occurs the week of Thanksgiving. A dear uncle died the day before Thanksgiving some 20 years ago. He was a very brittle diabetic and had fought as long as he could....two years later, my grandfather died the day after Thanksgiving, a COPD patient, he too had gone on as long as he could. So as a family we had become accustomed to Thanksgiving equating celebrating a life that had been a part of ours. Like a pit in my stomach I somehow knew before the phone rang again and my mother said, "Dad is gone."

So that year, we did what we had always done, had a Thanksgiving meal, planned a funeral and gave thanks for the life of my father and all that he had given to us and to the world.

I grieve as much for my dad as for my mother...her brother, father and husband all died the week of Thanksgiving...talk about loaded...and yet it is because of that history with death that we have learned not to take anything for granted, and that when death comes it is always an uninvited guest...so we make sure we say "I love you" as often as possible.

Today there is a sense that everyone is at rest. Dad is where he is going to be, Mom is staying strong and keeping the homestead going for all of us. My kids watch music videos in the morning before school. My daughter is prone to Country music and one morning there was a video by Brad Paisley, featuring Andy Griffith - "Waiting on a Woman" Well that's my Dad - looks like him, and I do believe his is waiting on mom to join him, I can hear him say, "take your time."

It's that time of year, when my grief gets sparked and I endure the bittersweet reunion of family and memories...
It's that time of year, when we gather and give thanks for the many, many blessings we know as a family...
It's that time of year, when the last bits of life shine forth before their winter slumber...
It's that time of year, when I am caught between joy and sorrow, thanksgiving and grief, peace and turmoil...