How can it be, that we are ushering in another year? This year has gone so very fast! It was Africa Day at TH Middle School on the 19th and Mark and I got to share our stories together to a whole bunch of 7th graders. It was good to see our pictures again and to remember those whom we had shared so much with.
I asked recently what Christmas was like in Africa...were there trees or presents, nativities or angels....It is celebrated as a Christian holiday. Singing carols and dancing dances and going to church on Christmas day to worship for hours celebrating the birth of Jesus. Those who can afford it will generally give gifts The most common thing bought at Christmas is a new set of clothes to be worn to the church service. Many Africans are too poor to be able to afford presents for their kids and there aren't too many toy stores in rural Africa to shop at anyway. If gifts are exchanged in poorer communities they usually come in the form of school books, soap, cloth, candles and other practical goods.
You may see decorated mango trees, and churches are decorated with paper chains and cut outs hanging everywhere. Christmas dinner is likely a roasted goat that the whole village enjoys together. It is summer time, so there is also time at the beach to be enjoyed.
A different world to be sure.
I hope 2009 proves to be a year of great things, a year of jubilee for those captive by what holds them, a year of new vision for the blind, and a year that God knows a great revival of God's people here in the middle of the country and across the world.
May you know peace this day and everyday!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Seasons of Joy...amidst the desperate
About 10 days ago, I received a phone call from a young woman who claimed to be Lori, that she was 17 years old, had a 3 year old, and a 4 year old and one on the way, due Dec 21st. She was new in town from Chicago, the Salvation Army had sent her here, and that she had just left the shelter and was in an apartment with the Housing Authority. She was too late to receive anything from the Salvation Army Christmas and Samaritan Center had also taken all the names they were going to, and could we help with Christmas for her children...
You must know that when these phone calls come, and they come often, my first reaction is to doubt every word I have just heard. And yet, more times than not, I find the story I can't believe is more or less accurate...and I am left with the image of Jesus knocking at the door of the church to see if anyone is at home.
I questioned Lori, about her family and what support she had here in JC..."none, her family didn't care about her and her children's father was in prison somewhere...." I questioned the whole Salvation Army connection and told her I didn't believe one shelter in another state would send someone across state lines...and her response was, "Well that's what happened." And then the big question...what was she looking for, for Christmas? Her children needed clothes and coats and boots.
Now, regardless of how much you believed or didn't believe of this story...couldn't we help with some warm clothes? I knew there were families in the church with children about the same size and even if they were handme downs...it was something. So I told Lori I would see what I could do for her and call her back the following Monday. As I told her story around the church, the Connections Sunday school class became an obvious place that could help...And to their great credit, they were more than willing to pour themselves out for this woman and her children. We talked about mentoring her through some of the hard times ahead, about developing a relationship that would last and maybe make a difference in her life. Truly a huge commitment for the class to take on, but in Christian love, they were willing.
On Monday, Lori called me, and I explained that there were many in the church that wanted to help her, and that I thought she could find support and care for her children as well as for her life. Did she want to make Jefferson City her home? "Yes" then could you come to church on Sunday, so the class could meet you and get to know your needs? In a moment, the dangling string began to unravel..."Well, I'm scheduled for a C-section on Sunday"...they don't schedule C sections on Sundays..."Well they did." I had some hand me downs for the 3 year old and told her I would drop them off and we could meet face to face...(yes, I wanted to see a pregnant 17 year old) and all of a sudden she had an errand to run (with who, she didn't know anyone?) But I could leave them with her neighbor...and she wasn't leaving for another hour...got the address and took off to deliver clothes...as I drove up, the "neighbor" was outside sweeping the porch...well I just missed Lori by a few seconds...she had just left! Hmm I said. I gave her the clothes and said I hoped there was a child that was going to benefit from those clothes and that if they were lying it was going to catch up with them soon...
I began checking stories with the Salvation Army, they don't allow 17 year olds in the shelter, there was no name that matched their records, and that one shelter didn't send people out to another...all I had was this telephone number...through the Food pantry records I had matched it to a name...and the Salvation Army recognized the name and there was a long pause on the other end of the line..."Don't believe a word they have told you....we know them well." But are there children that are in need..."not likely."
This time I called the house and got a new voice to talk to, an older woman, who wasn't in to lying quite as much...there was no 17 year old, there were two 20 somethings, with three children between them. They had nothing and were looking to have some way of giving their children Christmas. As if that made the lies OK...I asked where the children were now..."in daycare" and the moms were out hunting jobs....
And there you have it...another round of life in poverty and want. Why the elaborate lies? Have they been told no so many times that the truth isn't relative anymore? And where was God in all of this?
Here's the joy part....members of the church responded from their hearts and not from their skepticism or judgment seats...there isn't a 17 year old with three children alone in an apartment in Jefferson City - (well at least not that I know of)...a little girl got a new coat and boots that were gently used...and I am wiser but not any less likely to try and help the next phone call I get that asks for it. That is where God has been for me this past week...please pray for these two women...that they might really desire to make straight the paths and maybe, just maybe they will come looking to the church for that help...
Amen
You must know that when these phone calls come, and they come often, my first reaction is to doubt every word I have just heard. And yet, more times than not, I find the story I can't believe is more or less accurate...and I am left with the image of Jesus knocking at the door of the church to see if anyone is at home.
I questioned Lori, about her family and what support she had here in JC..."none, her family didn't care about her and her children's father was in prison somewhere...." I questioned the whole Salvation Army connection and told her I didn't believe one shelter in another state would send someone across state lines...and her response was, "Well that's what happened." And then the big question...what was she looking for, for Christmas? Her children needed clothes and coats and boots.
Now, regardless of how much you believed or didn't believe of this story...couldn't we help with some warm clothes? I knew there were families in the church with children about the same size and even if they were handme downs...it was something. So I told Lori I would see what I could do for her and call her back the following Monday. As I told her story around the church, the Connections Sunday school class became an obvious place that could help...And to their great credit, they were more than willing to pour themselves out for this woman and her children. We talked about mentoring her through some of the hard times ahead, about developing a relationship that would last and maybe make a difference in her life. Truly a huge commitment for the class to take on, but in Christian love, they were willing.
On Monday, Lori called me, and I explained that there were many in the church that wanted to help her, and that I thought she could find support and care for her children as well as for her life. Did she want to make Jefferson City her home? "Yes" then could you come to church on Sunday, so the class could meet you and get to know your needs? In a moment, the dangling string began to unravel..."Well, I'm scheduled for a C-section on Sunday"...they don't schedule C sections on Sundays..."Well they did." I had some hand me downs for the 3 year old and told her I would drop them off and we could meet face to face...(yes, I wanted to see a pregnant 17 year old) and all of a sudden she had an errand to run (with who, she didn't know anyone?) But I could leave them with her neighbor...and she wasn't leaving for another hour...got the address and took off to deliver clothes...as I drove up, the "neighbor" was outside sweeping the porch...well I just missed Lori by a few seconds...she had just left! Hmm I said. I gave her the clothes and said I hoped there was a child that was going to benefit from those clothes and that if they were lying it was going to catch up with them soon...
I began checking stories with the Salvation Army, they don't allow 17 year olds in the shelter, there was no name that matched their records, and that one shelter didn't send people out to another...all I had was this telephone number...through the Food pantry records I had matched it to a name...and the Salvation Army recognized the name and there was a long pause on the other end of the line..."Don't believe a word they have told you....we know them well." But are there children that are in need..."not likely."
This time I called the house and got a new voice to talk to, an older woman, who wasn't in to lying quite as much...there was no 17 year old, there were two 20 somethings, with three children between them. They had nothing and were looking to have some way of giving their children Christmas. As if that made the lies OK...I asked where the children were now..."in daycare" and the moms were out hunting jobs....
And there you have it...another round of life in poverty and want. Why the elaborate lies? Have they been told no so many times that the truth isn't relative anymore? And where was God in all of this?
Here's the joy part....members of the church responded from their hearts and not from their skepticism or judgment seats...there isn't a 17 year old with three children alone in an apartment in Jefferson City - (well at least not that I know of)...a little girl got a new coat and boots that were gently used...and I am wiser but not any less likely to try and help the next phone call I get that asks for it. That is where God has been for me this past week...please pray for these two women...that they might really desire to make straight the paths and maybe, just maybe they will come looking to the church for that help...
Amen
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Where's the Love?
The third Sunday of Advent, the candle of love is brought to life on the Advent wreath. And I have to ask, where's the love?
A difficult conversation at the church around hospitality and church growth and the role of those who are members of the church. While all the details are not important, it is important to locate yourself in the topic. In this conversation, the statement arose, that this person was tired of hearing about growing the church. That they were tired of hearing about new people coming into the church, they had been there longer than most people and it seemed the new people mattered more than this person did. It reminded me of the Parable of Workers in the Vineyard...
Matthew 20
A Story About Workers 1-2 "God's kingdom is like an estate manager who went out early in the morning to hire workers for his vineyard. They agreed on a wage of a dollar a day, and went to work. 3-5"Later, about nine o'clock, the manager saw some other men hanging around the town square unemployed. He told them to go to work in his vineyard and he would pay them a fair wage. They went.
5-6"He did the same thing at noon, and again at three o'clock. At five o'clock he went back and found still others standing around. He said, 'Why are you standing around all day doing nothing?'
7"They said, 'Because no one hired us.'
"He told them to go to work in his vineyard.
8"When the day's work was over, the owner of the vineyard instructed his foreman, 'Call the workers in and pay them their wages. Start with the last hired and go on to the first.'
9-12"Those hired at five o'clock came up and were each given a dollar. When those who were hired first saw that, they assumed they would get far more. But they got the same, each of them one dollar. Taking the dollar, they groused angrily to the manager, 'These last workers put in only one easy hour, and you just made them equal to us, who slaved all day under a scorching sun.'
13-15"He replied to the one speaking for the rest, 'Friend, I haven't been unfair. We agreed on the wage of a dollar, didn't we? So take it and go. I decided to give to the one who came last the same as you. Can't I do what I want with my own money? Are you going to get stingy because I am generous?'
16"Here it is again, the Great Reversal: many of the first ending up last, and the last first."
We who are in the church today, are the workers who were hired earlier in the day. Some of us were hired at dawn, some of us at 9:00 and some of us at 3:00. But when we came to work in this vineyard, we agreed on the wage - salvation, eternal life, relationship with the God of all creation, so regardless of how long we have been at work, we are all receiving the same wage. So when a worker comes in that was hired at 5:00 - we need to rejoice - because that means there is STILL WORK TO BE DONE. The vineyard owner hasn't decided to call it a day yet. And the Kingdom of God has little to do with hierarchy and power and seniority - but everything to do with grace, peace, and love.
Yes, every worker is important, but one no more than the other - and if you want to push it - scripture says the first shall be last and the last shall be first. I believe this is crucial to the church moving forward. Can we welcome new workers in the field and not be jealous of their wage or their status? Can we let go of the rules of the past and see that those rules perhaps had little to do with God and more to do with human comforts? Bottom line, does God really sit in heaven and judge their appearance or their attitude or their upbringing before inviting someone to work? Where's the love in that? Do we need to respect each other - absolutely - and it must be a mutual respect, and our goal is to tend the vineyard - the kingdom- that God asks us to build - not to turn people off from even stepping foot into it.
I pray as I write, that in my heart is the truth in Christian love, and it is my prayer that these words can bring comfort to those who mourn the loss of "the way things used to be." and hope for the way things could be.
A difficult conversation at the church around hospitality and church growth and the role of those who are members of the church. While all the details are not important, it is important to locate yourself in the topic. In this conversation, the statement arose, that this person was tired of hearing about growing the church. That they were tired of hearing about new people coming into the church, they had been there longer than most people and it seemed the new people mattered more than this person did. It reminded me of the Parable of Workers in the Vineyard...
Matthew 20
A Story About Workers 1-2 "God's kingdom is like an estate manager who went out early in the morning to hire workers for his vineyard. They agreed on a wage of a dollar a day, and went to work. 3-5"Later, about nine o'clock, the manager saw some other men hanging around the town square unemployed. He told them to go to work in his vineyard and he would pay them a fair wage. They went.
5-6"He did the same thing at noon, and again at three o'clock. At five o'clock he went back and found still others standing around. He said, 'Why are you standing around all day doing nothing?'
7"They said, 'Because no one hired us.'
"He told them to go to work in his vineyard.
8"When the day's work was over, the owner of the vineyard instructed his foreman, 'Call the workers in and pay them their wages. Start with the last hired and go on to the first.'
9-12"Those hired at five o'clock came up and were each given a dollar. When those who were hired first saw that, they assumed they would get far more. But they got the same, each of them one dollar. Taking the dollar, they groused angrily to the manager, 'These last workers put in only one easy hour, and you just made them equal to us, who slaved all day under a scorching sun.'
13-15"He replied to the one speaking for the rest, 'Friend, I haven't been unfair. We agreed on the wage of a dollar, didn't we? So take it and go. I decided to give to the one who came last the same as you. Can't I do what I want with my own money? Are you going to get stingy because I am generous?'
16"Here it is again, the Great Reversal: many of the first ending up last, and the last first."
We who are in the church today, are the workers who were hired earlier in the day. Some of us were hired at dawn, some of us at 9:00 and some of us at 3:00. But when we came to work in this vineyard, we agreed on the wage - salvation, eternal life, relationship with the God of all creation, so regardless of how long we have been at work, we are all receiving the same wage. So when a worker comes in that was hired at 5:00 - we need to rejoice - because that means there is STILL WORK TO BE DONE. The vineyard owner hasn't decided to call it a day yet. And the Kingdom of God has little to do with hierarchy and power and seniority - but everything to do with grace, peace, and love.
Yes, every worker is important, but one no more than the other - and if you want to push it - scripture says the first shall be last and the last shall be first. I believe this is crucial to the church moving forward. Can we welcome new workers in the field and not be jealous of their wage or their status? Can we let go of the rules of the past and see that those rules perhaps had little to do with God and more to do with human comforts? Bottom line, does God really sit in heaven and judge their appearance or their attitude or their upbringing before inviting someone to work? Where's the love in that? Do we need to respect each other - absolutely - and it must be a mutual respect, and our goal is to tend the vineyard - the kingdom- that God asks us to build - not to turn people off from even stepping foot into it.
I pray as I write, that in my heart is the truth in Christian love, and it is my prayer that these words can bring comfort to those who mourn the loss of "the way things used to be." and hope for the way things could be.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Advent Peace
The second Sunday of Advent sees the candle of peace being lit.
Peace - the quiet that we seek from the noise of the world, turning off the news, listening to the rain fall, closing your eyes and listening to your most recent favorite music.
Peace - watching a child sleep, a purring cat in your lap, laughing till you cry
Peace - prayer before falling asleep, reading scripture that affirms God's love and care for God's creation.
As Advent continues to unfold, we also remember that it was a peaceful night that the shepherds were enjoying when the angels broke into it to proclalim a different kind of peace had come into the world. How open are you to having your peace changed...that in the chaos of change there comes a new reality, or a new kind of peace. I do think that is part of the season we are in. God broke into Mary and Joseph's life - and changed everything.
It is late, off to peaceful rest...
God bless and God's peace be in your life.
Peace - the quiet that we seek from the noise of the world, turning off the news, listening to the rain fall, closing your eyes and listening to your most recent favorite music.
Peace - watching a child sleep, a purring cat in your lap, laughing till you cry
Peace - prayer before falling asleep, reading scripture that affirms God's love and care for God's creation.
As Advent continues to unfold, we also remember that it was a peaceful night that the shepherds were enjoying when the angels broke into it to proclalim a different kind of peace had come into the world. How open are you to having your peace changed...that in the chaos of change there comes a new reality, or a new kind of peace. I do think that is part of the season we are in. God broke into Mary and Joseph's life - and changed everything.
It is late, off to peaceful rest...
God bless and God's peace be in your life.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Advent Begins
All the radio stations are playing Christmas music, there are new lights shining every night, and it is feeling and looking more and more like Christmas! We also look at the calendar and shake our heads at how another year could have rolled around so quickly.
Advent has always been a difficult season to get my arms around. A season of preparation, preparing our hearts and lives for the gift that is coming. So sometimes that feels like I need to clean the clutter (of heart and house), so that the focus can be on the right things. Sometimes that feels like the need to slow way down and savor every snowflake that falls and every star that shines, so that I can simply BE in the presence of God and creation. Sometimes that feels like decorating and baking and making gifts for those who are dear, so that all that is festive and extravagant and "simply" beautiful can flow through my heart to others. And sometimes that feels like I don't need to do anything differently, I hope to live expecting God to do wonderous things all the time - anytime...
Advent is also about waiting and hoping. Waiting on a light to change is never very timely...it usually comes when we don't need it and when we need to stop and catch the purse that just fell all we get are green lights....but there is a jumpy-ness when waiting on the light...so it is with Advent...
So as the weeks go by I know Advent will bring many blessings. I'm dipping my big toe in the water and am in the savor place right now. But also living in hope for the things God will do.Many blessings of Advent!
(Photo by Ben Bell of London, who looks for the ancient story in contemporary images.)
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Thanksliving
Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice.
The holidays have arrived, even in the midst of such dire predictions about our economy and the advice that we should be anything but thankful. I heard someone say recently, there are two conversations going on in America....those who are talking about losing half of everything in the past 6 months, and those who are talking about losing half of their money in the last 6 months...
It is true, it is all in how you look at it. Our investments have taken a hit, but that is far from everything -
As children of God we are to have a spirit of gratitude for the love and care that that identity brings to us. We are to practice thanksliving...
I try to live thankfully for the world we have - I could always show it more in how I choose to care for it.
I try to live thankfully for the gift of family and the spoken and unspoken strength and support we give to one another - I could always be more bold in how I show it.
I try to live thankfully for the many comforts we have in our American culture - I humbly recall the Africans who were cooking over an open fire for a group of 12.
I try to live thankfully for a church that expresses their generosityby giving away 250 Thanksgiving dinners - I should brag on them more!
I try to live thankfully for the little bits of light that break into the darkness to show me the way to go next...
Praying so many blessings upon you as we pause to give thanks. How will you practice your thanksliving?
Chris
The holidays have arrived, even in the midst of such dire predictions about our economy and the advice that we should be anything but thankful. I heard someone say recently, there are two conversations going on in America....those who are talking about losing half of everything in the past 6 months, and those who are talking about losing half of their money in the last 6 months...
It is true, it is all in how you look at it. Our investments have taken a hit, but that is far from everything -
As children of God we are to have a spirit of gratitude for the love and care that that identity brings to us. We are to practice thanksliving...
I try to live thankfully for the world we have - I could always show it more in how I choose to care for it.
I try to live thankfully for the gift of family and the spoken and unspoken strength and support we give to one another - I could always be more bold in how I show it.
I try to live thankfully for the many comforts we have in our American culture - I humbly recall the Africans who were cooking over an open fire for a group of 12.
I try to live thankfully for a church that expresses their generosityby giving away 250 Thanksgiving dinners - I should brag on them more!
I try to live thankfully for the little bits of light that break into the darkness to show me the way to go next...
Praying so many blessings upon you as we pause to give thanks. How will you practice your thanksliving?
Chris
Monday, November 17, 2008
It's That Time of Year
It will be two years ago this week that my father died. The first year was just figuring out how to go on without that anchor in your life, the second year is somehow a bit sadder because reality has set in like concrete. I miss him as much as ever.
The night my brother called to tell me they had found Dad in the 'old garage' unconscious and that the ambulance was there and "it didn't look good", I hung up the phone and was in a time warp. I couldn't get to Festus in less than two and half hours, I couldn't be there...so I waited. In the midst of waiting I took a time check...what day is this, what week is this....and then I knew Dad was gone. You see in my family death occurs the week of Thanksgiving. A dear uncle died the day before Thanksgiving some 20 years ago. He was a very brittle diabetic and had fought as long as he could....two years later, my grandfather died the day after Thanksgiving, a COPD patient, he too had gone on as long as he could. So as a family we had become accustomed to Thanksgiving equating celebrating a life that had been a part of ours. Like a pit in my stomach I somehow knew before the phone rang again and my mother said, "Dad is gone."
So that year, we did what we had always done, had a Thanksgiving meal, planned a funeral and gave thanks for the life of my father and all that he had given to us and to the world.
I grieve as much for my dad as for my mother...her brother, father and husband all died the week of Thanksgiving...talk about loaded...and yet it is because of that history with death that we have learned not to take anything for granted, and that when death comes it is always an uninvited guest...so we make sure we say "I love you" as often as possible.
Today there is a sense that everyone is at rest. Dad is where he is going to be, Mom is staying strong and keeping the homestead going for all of us. My kids watch music videos in the morning before school. My daughter is prone to Country music and one morning there was a video by Brad Paisley, featuring Andy Griffith - "Waiting on a Woman" Well that's my Dad - looks like him, and I do believe his is waiting on mom to join him, I can hear him say, "take your time."
It's that time of year, when my grief gets sparked and I endure the bittersweet reunion of family and memories...
It's that time of year, when we gather and give thanks for the many, many blessings we know as a family...
It's that time of year, when the last bits of life shine forth before their winter slumber...
It's that time of year, when I am caught between joy and sorrow, thanksgiving and grief, peace and turmoil...
The night my brother called to tell me they had found Dad in the 'old garage' unconscious and that the ambulance was there and "it didn't look good", I hung up the phone and was in a time warp. I couldn't get to Festus in less than two and half hours, I couldn't be there...so I waited. In the midst of waiting I took a time check...what day is this, what week is this....and then I knew Dad was gone. You see in my family death occurs the week of Thanksgiving. A dear uncle died the day before Thanksgiving some 20 years ago. He was a very brittle diabetic and had fought as long as he could....two years later, my grandfather died the day after Thanksgiving, a COPD patient, he too had gone on as long as he could. So as a family we had become accustomed to Thanksgiving equating celebrating a life that had been a part of ours. Like a pit in my stomach I somehow knew before the phone rang again and my mother said, "Dad is gone."
So that year, we did what we had always done, had a Thanksgiving meal, planned a funeral and gave thanks for the life of my father and all that he had given to us and to the world.
I grieve as much for my dad as for my mother...her brother, father and husband all died the week of Thanksgiving...talk about loaded...and yet it is because of that history with death that we have learned not to take anything for granted, and that when death comes it is always an uninvited guest...so we make sure we say "I love you" as often as possible.
Today there is a sense that everyone is at rest. Dad is where he is going to be, Mom is staying strong and keeping the homestead going for all of us. My kids watch music videos in the morning before school. My daughter is prone to Country music and one morning there was a video by Brad Paisley, featuring Andy Griffith - "Waiting on a Woman" Well that's my Dad - looks like him, and I do believe his is waiting on mom to join him, I can hear him say, "take your time."
It's that time of year, when my grief gets sparked and I endure the bittersweet reunion of family and memories...
It's that time of year, when we gather and give thanks for the many, many blessings we know as a family...
It's that time of year, when the last bits of life shine forth before their winter slumber...
It's that time of year, when I am caught between joy and sorrow, thanksgiving and grief, peace and turmoil...
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Ain't That America
Back in late August we went to the first 9th grade football game of the season. It was at McCluer North HS in North St. Louis County. The team and the school are primarily African American. The game, being the first of the season, was a bit painful. There were tons of penalties called on both teams, frequent "illegal procedures" and the crowd got a little impatient with the officials. The Jays were behind at the half and were making a comeback by the third quarter. The score was tied in the early 4th quarter and the game was on...and as happens in football there were a series of calls against the home team and in the last minute, what could have been the winning touchdown was called back because of an illegal procedure of somekind. On the sidelines there was a father of a McCluer North player, who had rooted and hollered with all of us, and as it became apparent the game was over for the Stars, he said: "Well, aint that America." Shook his head and left for the car.
Now I'm not saying that any of the officials calls were racially motivated, or even unfair...and I'm not even sure this gentleman was commenting on race as much as the odds seeming to be stacked against the team no matter how hard they worked...but I was reminded that even when I would say "it's not about race" there are those that have lived in a different reality than myself and would say that "it's always about race."
Well I have thought about that gentleman these past few days. And wonder if he is saying "ain't that America!" as the reality of a new history dawns and we all wonder what the future will bring. I hope so. And I hope this time he is saying it with a smile.
Now I'm not saying that any of the officials calls were racially motivated, or even unfair...and I'm not even sure this gentleman was commenting on race as much as the odds seeming to be stacked against the team no matter how hard they worked...but I was reminded that even when I would say "it's not about race" there are those that have lived in a different reality than myself and would say that "it's always about race."
Well I have thought about that gentleman these past few days. And wonder if he is saying "ain't that America!" as the reality of a new history dawns and we all wonder what the future will bring. I hope so. And I hope this time he is saying it with a smile.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
It Is What It Is
I've been hearing this phrase a lot these days. Whether it reverberates around the economy, the election, or the church...more than once I have heard..."well, it is what it is."
A little research finds that the phrase originated with professional athletes...(of course) as they avoided committing to any kind of statement that might come back to haunt them..
The online Urban Dictionary defines the phrase as follows:
A) A phrase that seems to simply state the obvious but actually implies helplessness.
B) A phrase that seems to simply state the obvious but actually means "it will be what it is," as in "it ain't gonna change, so deal with it or don't."
The more I have heard the phrase, the more I think it implies some kind of apathy, and certainly helplessness...it is what it is and I can't do anything about it. Now when you are a professional football player and the team has just lost and you played your best game...it is what it is - a loss. But when talking about the church, or your family situation, or the community in which you live...any where that you have a voice and some part of the outcome - it is what it is, gives up too soon.
"It is what it is", makes me think of "I am who I am;" another phrase that leads us to scratch our heads a bit and we know Moses did too...but there is much more power in I am who I am than in it is what it is. Hear these words from Max Lucado The Applause of Heaven.
Consider the rod of Moses. By this time in his life, Moses had been a shepherd as long as he had been a prince, and he'd grown accustomed to it. Herding sheep wasn't as lively as living with Egyptian Royalty, but it had its moments, especially the moment God spoke to him through a burning bush that didn't burn up. God announced that Moses was his man to deliver the Israelites. Moses wasn't convinced he was the one for the job. God said that who Moses was didn't matter; what mattered was who God was. And God set out to demonstrate.
"Moses" spoke the voice from the bush, "throw down your staff."
Moses, who had walked this mountain for forty years, was not comfortable with the command.
"God, you now a lot about a lot of things, but you may not know that out here, well you just don't go around throwing down your staff. you never know when..."
"Throw it down, Moses"
Moses threw it down, the rod became a snake and Moses began to run.
"Moses!"
The old shepherd stopped.
"Pick up the snake."
Moses peered over his shoulder, first at the snake and then the bush, and then he gave the most courageous response he could muster.
"What?"
"Pick up the snake...by the tail." (God had to be smiling at this point.)
"God, I don't mean to object, I mean, you now a lot of things, but out here in the desert, well you don't pick up snakes too often, and you never pick up snakes by the tail."
"Moses!"
"Yessir."
Just as Moses' hand touched the squirmy scales of the snake, it hardened. And Moses lifted up the rod. The same rod he would lift up in Pharaoh's court. The same rod he would lift up to divide the water and guide two million people through a desert. The rod that would remind Moses that if God can make a stick become a snake, then become a stick again - then perhaps he can do something with stubborn hearts and a stiff-necked people.
Perhaps he can do something with all of us.
The next time we are tempted to utter "it is what it is" remember God hears our needs and answers prayers in the manner that will help us, serve his will and often surprise us.
Trust God in prayer to do what needs to be done to make what it is what God wants it to be and not what we keep it from being....Amen
A little research finds that the phrase originated with professional athletes...(of course) as they avoided committing to any kind of statement that might come back to haunt them..
The online Urban Dictionary defines the phrase as follows:
A) A phrase that seems to simply state the obvious but actually implies helplessness.
B) A phrase that seems to simply state the obvious but actually means "it will be what it is," as in "it ain't gonna change, so deal with it or don't."
The more I have heard the phrase, the more I think it implies some kind of apathy, and certainly helplessness...it is what it is and I can't do anything about it. Now when you are a professional football player and the team has just lost and you played your best game...it is what it is - a loss. But when talking about the church, or your family situation, or the community in which you live...any where that you have a voice and some part of the outcome - it is what it is, gives up too soon.
"It is what it is", makes me think of "I am who I am;" another phrase that leads us to scratch our heads a bit and we know Moses did too...but there is much more power in I am who I am than in it is what it is. Hear these words from Max Lucado The Applause of Heaven.
Consider the rod of Moses. By this time in his life, Moses had been a shepherd as long as he had been a prince, and he'd grown accustomed to it. Herding sheep wasn't as lively as living with Egyptian Royalty, but it had its moments, especially the moment God spoke to him through a burning bush that didn't burn up. God announced that Moses was his man to deliver the Israelites. Moses wasn't convinced he was the one for the job. God said that who Moses was didn't matter; what mattered was who God was. And God set out to demonstrate.
"Moses" spoke the voice from the bush, "throw down your staff."
Moses, who had walked this mountain for forty years, was not comfortable with the command.
"God, you now a lot about a lot of things, but you may not know that out here, well you just don't go around throwing down your staff. you never know when..."
"Throw it down, Moses"
Moses threw it down, the rod became a snake and Moses began to run.
"Moses!"
The old shepherd stopped.
"Pick up the snake."
Moses peered over his shoulder, first at the snake and then the bush, and then he gave the most courageous response he could muster.
"What?"
"Pick up the snake...by the tail." (God had to be smiling at this point.)
"God, I don't mean to object, I mean, you now a lot of things, but out here in the desert, well you don't pick up snakes too often, and you never pick up snakes by the tail."
"Moses!"
"Yessir."
Just as Moses' hand touched the squirmy scales of the snake, it hardened. And Moses lifted up the rod. The same rod he would lift up in Pharaoh's court. The same rod he would lift up to divide the water and guide two million people through a desert. The rod that would remind Moses that if God can make a stick become a snake, then become a stick again - then perhaps he can do something with stubborn hearts and a stiff-necked people.
Perhaps he can do something with all of us.
The next time we are tempted to utter "it is what it is" remember God hears our needs and answers prayers in the manner that will help us, serve his will and often surprise us.
Trust God in prayer to do what needs to be done to make what it is what God wants it to be and not what we keep it from being....Amen
Monday, October 20, 2008
Jitterbugging
The Christian journey or Spiritual life has sometimes been likened to a dance. There is the struggle of letting God lead, there is the struggle of keeping up with the rythmn and the pace. Well I'm pretty sure this weekend I was jitterbugging with Jesus!
Many weeks ago, a friend called and asked if I would be able to come to his church and talk about my trip(s) to Mozambique and just share my experiences with the people and the country as his church was thinking about a mission trip in the future. I was glad to have the chance to share my pictures and stories as I haven't done that since I got back in August. So that got on the books, Sunday 6:30 about a two hour drive from home. Great!
Then about 4 weeks ago we received an invitation for a 90th birthday celebration for a dear saint of the church and she asked that I would come and offer the prayer for the meal and of course for the joy of the day. That was on Saturday at 4:00. Great!
Three weeks ago, I had the joy of talking with a woman who had gone through our Grief Support group about three years ago after her husband died of a long illness. Her mourning had turned to dancing and she was getting married to an old High School classmate that she had been reintroduced to at a recent reunion. He too had lost his wife to cancer and a long illness. It is a wonderful thing to be able to see God draw a circle in someone's life and heal the sadness of loss with the joy of reunion. She asked that I officiate at a small family wedding. That would be Saturday at 7:30!.....OK...hmmm, Great!
On Thursday I received a call that a 95 year old child of God had died. She was the beloved mother of one of our church members and had moved to a local nursing home from Iowa a few years back. Our member asked that I officiate at the funeral, 1:00 on Saturday...hmmm...well...yes, Lord...OK. Next day - wait a minute, out of town family can't make it until later, how about Saturday at 3:00? By this time, I'm smiling and seeing what God is up to...OK, I'll step it up a notch. Sure, Great!
Now don't forget I'm also shuttling my football player to practices Friday and Saturday, chaperoning a party at my dtrs middle school, a game on Friday night, laundry, house cleaning...will I ever get to cook for my family again?
But here it is Monday and while I am too pooped to take one more step, what a great dance it was. To honor a dear woman at her memorial service, to join two who had been brokenhearted together to heal their hurts, to celebrate the abundance God continues to give to a nonagenarian, and to worship God amidst a very busy morning and then to culminate by talking about one of the most fascinating and wonderful people and place on earth - I was high stepping and had my flats on! Spun around a few times and even had an encounter with a very gracious Vienna police man who clocked me at 51 in a 35. I think he knew I was headed home and beyond tired. He let me go with a warning and I am grateful and slowed down the rest of the way home.
Thanks be to God for grace to serve, for perseverance when fatigued, for inspiration when needed and for comfort to all who mourn.
I'll take a simple slow dance for just alittle while and then get back to the rock and roll. Thank you Lord, it was great!
Many weeks ago, a friend called and asked if I would be able to come to his church and talk about my trip(s) to Mozambique and just share my experiences with the people and the country as his church was thinking about a mission trip in the future. I was glad to have the chance to share my pictures and stories as I haven't done that since I got back in August. So that got on the books, Sunday 6:30 about a two hour drive from home. Great!
Then about 4 weeks ago we received an invitation for a 90th birthday celebration for a dear saint of the church and she asked that I would come and offer the prayer for the meal and of course for the joy of the day. That was on Saturday at 4:00. Great!
Three weeks ago, I had the joy of talking with a woman who had gone through our Grief Support group about three years ago after her husband died of a long illness. Her mourning had turned to dancing and she was getting married to an old High School classmate that she had been reintroduced to at a recent reunion. He too had lost his wife to cancer and a long illness. It is a wonderful thing to be able to see God draw a circle in someone's life and heal the sadness of loss with the joy of reunion. She asked that I officiate at a small family wedding. That would be Saturday at 7:30!.....OK...hmmm, Great!
On Thursday I received a call that a 95 year old child of God had died. She was the beloved mother of one of our church members and had moved to a local nursing home from Iowa a few years back. Our member asked that I officiate at the funeral, 1:00 on Saturday...hmmm...well...yes, Lord...OK. Next day - wait a minute, out of town family can't make it until later, how about Saturday at 3:00? By this time, I'm smiling and seeing what God is up to...OK, I'll step it up a notch. Sure, Great!
Now don't forget I'm also shuttling my football player to practices Friday and Saturday, chaperoning a party at my dtrs middle school, a game on Friday night, laundry, house cleaning...will I ever get to cook for my family again?
But here it is Monday and while I am too pooped to take one more step, what a great dance it was. To honor a dear woman at her memorial service, to join two who had been brokenhearted together to heal their hurts, to celebrate the abundance God continues to give to a nonagenarian, and to worship God amidst a very busy morning and then to culminate by talking about one of the most fascinating and wonderful people and place on earth - I was high stepping and had my flats on! Spun around a few times and even had an encounter with a very gracious Vienna police man who clocked me at 51 in a 35. I think he knew I was headed home and beyond tired. He let me go with a warning and I am grateful and slowed down the rest of the way home.
Thanks be to God for grace to serve, for perseverance when fatigued, for inspiration when needed and for comfort to all who mourn.
I'll take a simple slow dance for just alittle while and then get back to the rock and roll. Thank you Lord, it was great!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Adam Hamilton responds to economy ?
On September 25, as the U.S. House of Representatives was preparing to vote for the first time on the proposed economic rescue plan, Adam Hamilton, pastor of the United Methodist Church of the Resurrection, was speaking not far away at a forum on faith and public life. Wesley Seminary president David McAllister-Wilson asked Hamilton a hypothetical question about what he would preach at his church after an economic "worst case scenario" - a scenario that did not differ much from the economic catastrophe that soon followed. Listen to Adam Hamilton's three-minute response on this podcast: http://www.churchleadership.com/audio/101208.mp3.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Stewardship amidst the worse week of the economy in 5 years
We are in the midst of trying to start a Stewardship campaign - even though all the news continues to be very bleak and we hear words like "never before" or "not since the Great Depression" and "Worldwide recession." But is that enough to get us off the hook of giving?
No it is not.
It is a given that the bucket we have to pull from may be smaller, but it is still a spiritual act to give and to give sacrificially. Sacraficial giving is giving that means something, that changes us in some way when we do it. Not sacrifice that hurts us, but that makes us stronger.
So in the pie that God gives us, as we slice it all up and give to the mortgage, the utililties, the credit cards and whatever else we may have, let us not forget to give God the portion that belongs to God in the first place.
Check out: www.worshiphousemedia.com and look for "God Pie" for a great illustration.
No it is not.
It is a given that the bucket we have to pull from may be smaller, but it is still a spiritual act to give and to give sacrificially. Sacraficial giving is giving that means something, that changes us in some way when we do it. Not sacrifice that hurts us, but that makes us stronger.
So in the pie that God gives us, as we slice it all up and give to the mortgage, the utililties, the credit cards and whatever else we may have, let us not forget to give God the portion that belongs to God in the first place.
Check out: www.worshiphousemedia.com and look for "God Pie" for a great illustration.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
10 PREDICTIONS NO MATTER WHO WINS THE ELECTION OR WHAT THE ECONOMY DOES 1. The Bible will still have all the answers. 2. Prayer will still work. 3. The Holy Spirit will still move. 4. God will still inhabit the praises of His people. 5. There will still be God-anointed teaching and healing. 6. There will still be singing of praise to God. 7. God will still pour out blessings upon His people. 8. There will still be room at the Cross. 9. Jesus will still love you. 10. Jesus will still save the lost. ISN'T IT GREAT TO KNOW WHO IS REALLY IN CONTROL!
Such distracting days and times
I spoke with a local pastor yesterday who asked if we had good crowd at church on Sunday. I had to say no, it was among the worst Sundays of the year. He was quite relieved because he said the same was true for his small rural church. He said it was the smallest attendance they have had since he was pastor at that church. It was World Communion Sunday, no ice storms, a beautiful day really, and yet so few chose to come to church and offer their worship or share in God's meal of grace and forgiveness.
We continued to bemoan the culture and the times we find ourselves in and with much sadness in our hearts came to the conclusion that what all the experts have been saying about our churches and our faith is true. The churches are shrinking and our Christian faith is not seen as an anchor in the storms by much of the people in the world around us.
I wonder how much we will need to shrink before we go out and share our faith or even share how our faith is helping us through these days of depressing predictions about our finances or our future. Which then leads to the question...is your faith helping you through these days of severe market down turns?
I share this from "The Message" Matthew 6: approx14-3something
"Don't hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or - worse! stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it's safe from moth and rust and burglars. It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.
Your eyes are windows into your body. If you open your eyes wide in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dank cellar. If you pull the blinds on your windows, what a dark life you will have!
You can't worship two gods at once. Loving one god, you'll end up hating the other. Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other. You can't worship God and Money both.
If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
Has anyone, by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion - do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and loot at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the coutnry look shabby alongside them.
If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers - most of which are never even seen - don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works, Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
I pray these words meet you where you are...and that there is some light shed on the darkness of these day. And I pray we will choose worship this next Sunday morning.
Peace!
We continued to bemoan the culture and the times we find ourselves in and with much sadness in our hearts came to the conclusion that what all the experts have been saying about our churches and our faith is true. The churches are shrinking and our Christian faith is not seen as an anchor in the storms by much of the people in the world around us.
I wonder how much we will need to shrink before we go out and share our faith or even share how our faith is helping us through these days of depressing predictions about our finances or our future. Which then leads to the question...is your faith helping you through these days of severe market down turns?
I share this from "The Message" Matthew 6: approx14-3something
"Don't hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or - worse! stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it's safe from moth and rust and burglars. It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.
Your eyes are windows into your body. If you open your eyes wide in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dank cellar. If you pull the blinds on your windows, what a dark life you will have!
You can't worship two gods at once. Loving one god, you'll end up hating the other. Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other. You can't worship God and Money both.
If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
Has anyone, by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion - do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and loot at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the coutnry look shabby alongside them.
If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers - most of which are never even seen - don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works, Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
I pray these words meet you where you are...and that there is some light shed on the darkness of these day. And I pray we will choose worship this next Sunday morning.
Peace!
Saturday, October 4, 2008
The Shack page 2
Well I finished it! It's a book that has a great imagination around God, the Trinity, and above all it tries to answer the question about why bad things happen, or perhaps where is God when bad things happen. There were a few moments that seemed a little "New Age " to me, but nothing too outrageous. I think it could make for a great book review or perhaps even the centerpiece for the women's retreat this year.
Among the best thoughts: "Because you are important, everything you do is important. Every time you forgive the universe changes; every time you reach out and touch a heart or a life, the world changes; with every kindness and service, seen or unseen, my purposes (God's) are accomplished and nothing will ever be the same again."
As children of God we are created to change the world, to work for God's healing love in the world, and to share the Love of God that lives within us. That every time we reach someone's heart the world changes is an amazing call for each of us to take in.
And a little bit of light in the darkness of our own hearts.
God bless!
Among the best thoughts: "Because you are important, everything you do is important. Every time you forgive the universe changes; every time you reach out and touch a heart or a life, the world changes; with every kindness and service, seen or unseen, my purposes (God's) are accomplished and nothing will ever be the same again."
As children of God we are created to change the world, to work for God's healing love in the world, and to share the Love of God that lives within us. That every time we reach someone's heart the world changes is an amazing call for each of us to take in.
And a little bit of light in the darkness of our own hearts.
God bless!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
The Shack
In my season of searching, I am reading "The Shack" by Wm. Paul Young. I am at the halfway point so cannot give it a full review, but I can tell you that you have to read it! The images of God, the questions that it raises and attempts to answer are wonderful. If you are wrestling with God, this is a good place to take your wrestling.
This is a story about a man who encounters a great sadness in his life and in the aftermath, meets with God in a shack in the mountains of Oregon. There he asks questions and receives answers that are profound and what the Bible tries to tell us but what our humanity has twisted and torn.
On the cover, Eugene Peterson who wrote The Message, writes this: "This book has the potenital to do for our generation what John Bunyon's Pilgrim's Progress did for his. It's that good!" Yep, yep...check it out!
This is a story about a man who encounters a great sadness in his life and in the aftermath, meets with God in a shack in the mountains of Oregon. There he asks questions and receives answers that are profound and what the Bible tries to tell us but what our humanity has twisted and torn.
On the cover, Eugene Peterson who wrote The Message, writes this: "This book has the potenital to do for our generation what John Bunyon's Pilgrim's Progress did for his. It's that good!" Yep, yep...check it out!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Oct 1 - Seasons change
What a beautiful hint of Fall is in the air this day! We have finally made it to October, the long summer is passed and Autumn is just around the corner. Twice today I have heard the phrase - "this season in your life." It has caused me to think about what season am I in...and what promise is it leading to? I am in a season of searching, of seeking for God's direction.
One thing about blogging is that I am writing about me and my feelings - I am not writing in the hopes someone will tell me the answers...but rather inviting you into the journey for yourself or along with me. If you see a big rock looming ahead, please don't let me stub my toe, but for the most part I don't write for someone to tell me I'm OK or that I am right or that I'm wrong...but please do tell me what your perspective may be or what you hear God saying....
I am seeking God's direction in finding a vision for ministry and for this church that will transform us into the church God desires. We are standing in history at a time of literally decades of decline. Starting in the 1980's there is a steady decline downward in worship attendance and membership numbers. The world has changed since that time 20 years ago (there is evidence it even began 40 years ago) and the church has not necessarily changed with it. The church is no longer a place where the world looks for answers or comfort or wisdom. We've blown it; our relevancy, our accountability, our trustworthiness have all been lost by the sins of those who came before. So we cannot be a church that exists for itself anymore. If our faith is not strong enough to propel us out into the world to share with others, then it is our obligation to grow that faith, through study, through worship, through sharing with others in small groups. Not a choice, not a worthwhile hobby, not an option, but a must! It is what God asks us to do, it is an expectation of a follower of Christ!
If we do find our faith sufficient to share, then we need to be about ministry that helps the poor, the widowed, the children; ministries that will change their life into disciples that will go and repeat the process for someone else. As lives are changed the world will change.
I pray for a season of hunger and need, so that we may turn to God to satisfy. I pray for a season of anxiety so that we might look beyond the routine to find our comfort. I pray for a season of change so that God's will be done.
As the season of our amazing world changes right before our eyes, I pray that I can change too, into one that can grow and build and share; and reflect the nourishment I've been given (like the autumn leaves), so that the dormant place we find ourselves this day will hold the hope of new life to come. It may be our only hope!
One thing about blogging is that I am writing about me and my feelings - I am not writing in the hopes someone will tell me the answers...but rather inviting you into the journey for yourself or along with me. If you see a big rock looming ahead, please don't let me stub my toe, but for the most part I don't write for someone to tell me I'm OK or that I am right or that I'm wrong...but please do tell me what your perspective may be or what you hear God saying....
I am seeking God's direction in finding a vision for ministry and for this church that will transform us into the church God desires. We are standing in history at a time of literally decades of decline. Starting in the 1980's there is a steady decline downward in worship attendance and membership numbers. The world has changed since that time 20 years ago (there is evidence it even began 40 years ago) and the church has not necessarily changed with it. The church is no longer a place where the world looks for answers or comfort or wisdom. We've blown it; our relevancy, our accountability, our trustworthiness have all been lost by the sins of those who came before. So we cannot be a church that exists for itself anymore. If our faith is not strong enough to propel us out into the world to share with others, then it is our obligation to grow that faith, through study, through worship, through sharing with others in small groups. Not a choice, not a worthwhile hobby, not an option, but a must! It is what God asks us to do, it is an expectation of a follower of Christ!
If we do find our faith sufficient to share, then we need to be about ministry that helps the poor, the widowed, the children; ministries that will change their life into disciples that will go and repeat the process for someone else. As lives are changed the world will change.
I pray for a season of hunger and need, so that we may turn to God to satisfy. I pray for a season of anxiety so that we might look beyond the routine to find our comfort. I pray for a season of change so that God's will be done.
As the season of our amazing world changes right before our eyes, I pray that I can change too, into one that can grow and build and share; and reflect the nourishment I've been given (like the autumn leaves), so that the dormant place we find ourselves this day will hold the hope of new life to come. It may be our only hope!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Greetings world of bloggers
I have finally succumbed! The first time I heard of a blog I thought, "Why on earth?" That was several years ago and since then I have read many blogs of people I admire and love and found that their words and images and messages have brought some light to my day or lifted the load just a little bit. There is no doubt, there will one day be a mountain of diagnoses of the personality of bloggers and just why these people feel the need to write their thoughts and feelings to an anonymous world...and I will be interested I suppose. But for now I only hope to share my thoughts, to share my faith, and to offer little bits of light to a world that can sometimes be dark and heavy.
In peace,
In peace,
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